|
| Emotions and Advocacy |
Leave Your Emotions At Home?
A lot has been said on the need to leave emotion at home when dealing with your child’s education in school meetings. Easier said than done!!! Parents of special needs children have different levels and abilities of handling anger and stress related to the education a disabled child receives. Most people have difficulty finding solutions to problems because of anger and stress. Parents may find that helping their “special” children obtain appropriate education is the hardest thing they ever do because of how others judge their abilities as parents and as people.
ANGER AND STRESS
Why?
- Anger and stress levels are related to the amount of time a disabled child has spent in an ineffective educational setting.
- Inattentive educators, untrained paraprofessionals and insensitive administrators tend to contribute to higher levels of anger and stress.
- Vague answers, unproven teaching methods and a “wait and see” attitude from school personnel make anger and stress levels higher.
- As parents begin to see what’s happening, looking into the future, and becoming involved, they can become angry and stressed, harboring guilt over “time lost” by school systems.
HOW ANGER AND STRESS RELATE TO AN INEFFECTIVE EDUCATION AND WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
The child is between the ages of 3 and 5. He has been in special education school around 1-2 years. Relationships with school personnel at this point in time are good. Trust is strong, optimistic attitudes are present. Unless the parent has special training, knowledge, or insight about the child’s disability, they generally trust special education school personnel to be able to educate children. Only if something significant occurs (child is injured, becomes chronically ill or more emotionally unstable at home) the parent allows time and trust with special education staff to evolve.
When events or situations occur, the parents and school staff begin to compensate. This is usually where “blame” begins to happen. On the part of school staff it is the child’s “disability” or the “home” situation. Parents are concerned over the behavior of the child and are many times “embarrassed” and they too “blame” the child. Everyone is concerned over what the child is doing, not the ability of the educators to teach the child or the amount of education given. Any guilt the parent harbors about the child or the disability has the parent beginning to “blame” themselves.
The child becomes older and grows larger in size. The effects of ineffective teaching and training begin to surface around 4 to 6 years old in a moderately disabled child. The impact of the child’s behavior and ability to function is related to how strong and mobile they are. Medicating the child becomes popular. The question to the parent becomes “Have you thought about medication?” Everyone still thinks the child has the correct educational services and behavioral interventions.
Negative effects of the child’s disability are easily identified. Limitations of the child’s disability become more difficult to accommodate.
Examples of Limitations:
- Unable to go places; church, restaurants, stores usually because of inappropriate behavior.
- Parents and child have few friends.
- Martial problems.
- Difficulty finding childcare.
- Need for flexible employment.
- Increasing financial problems.
TOO LITTLE TOO LATE!
The level of anger, stress, and guilt parents have can grow stronger and more intense as the child grows. Once the parent has realization over the child’s lack of educational progress, increased behavior problems and why, the presentation is:
- “I should have known better.” “I trusted them to educate my child.”
- Cursing, crying, emotional withdrawal, feelings of helplessness and failure.
- Distrust of the school system to some extent is present.
- Feeling a need to “get even.”
- Looking for ways to “fix” the problems.
- School staff avoid and label the parent.
- School staff ask “What did you expect?”
- School staff want parents to lower expectations of child’s ability to succeed
- “Those school people are __________.” (fill in the blank) a. stupid b. idiots c.
incompetent morons. d. all of the above.
- “I do not want to send my child to that school.”
NOW WHAT??
Anger and stress sometimes help parents find answers. Some people however do not work well under pressure. One may think school staff would be used to stressed-out angry parents. Unfortunately they have no problem labeling “trouble” parents or pointing “bad” parents out to other staff members. If you attack them, they will tend to have even more excuses besides being underpaid and poorly educated. It may make you feel better, but it’s only temporary.
GENERAL RULES FOR DEALING WITH SCHOOL STAFF:
- PUT REQUESTS AND CONCERNS IN WRITING!!!!
Looks a little harsh but this is the MOST IMPORTANT RULE.
Think of special education staff members as being “special” too. They can have documented disabilities that keep them from teaching your child, for example, depression, personality disorders, phobias etc. Follow this rule no matter how nice and kind everybody is. You will never have to wonder who “forgot to do it.”
- WRITE ONLY THE FACTS!!!!!
Putting anger on paper will come back to haunt you on another day. Those “letters” end up being copied and circulated for school staff entertainment. Things like “the apple didn’t fall far from the tree” will be said behind your back. Write to clarify conversations, document events or situations. Take the time to read the letters on this site. If you are too angry or stressed, use them and fill in your information.
- TAPE RECORD ALL MEETINGS!!!!!
Tape recording is easy and fun. It generally keeps everybody in the room honest and on their best behavior. You only have to write one letter, (use the one on our site) to notify school staff all meetings will be tape recorded. Tape recordings can be very interesting if a staff person or administrator is screaming at the top of their lungs while you are having a meeting.
- PRIOR TO MEETINGS, MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
This sounds like a no brainer, but many times school staff will “run” the meeting and “run over” the parent. If school staff are difficult, this sometimes is the only way to be heard. It is okay to read a list or a prepared statement in a meeting.
- DO ONE THING EVERYDAY TO EITHER HELP YOURSELF, YOUR CHILD OR ANOTHER PARENT.
Does this sound a little hard? It’s not. This little exercise will help you to focus on improving your child’s education. One of these things can mean taking ten minutes of net surfing about your child’s disability. It can be observing other special needs children on the playground or in the lunch room. It can be a three word prayer (God help me) asking for strength to try harder, persevere and make it through another day.
- YOU WILL ALSO NEED A PROACTIVE GAME PLAN.
Take the time to read "Not Satisfied With Child's IEP?" NEXT on this web site.
 |
|
|
|
